


A Sky Full Of Stars

by abilliontears



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-09 06:10:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3239234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abilliontears/pseuds/abilliontears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Hollstein oneshots I think of late at night and have sudden bursts of inspiration to write.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Belong With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of Taylor Swift's song You Belong With Me. Sort of. Idunno I just liked the whole neighbors thing to be honest. 
> 
> Got kind of lazy at the end. Sorry

 

 

She was...

  
_Something else._

  
She wasn’t the type of girl who lit up the room when she walked in - no, Laura Hollis was nowhere near that kind of girl.

  
But _dear god_ she could make any man weak with her smile.

  
She had a fire in her that was nothing like I’ve ever seen before.

 

There were _so many_ things I’d do to that girl.

  
She had me wrapped around her finger, like a lost kitten. I was always waiting for her.

  
After class, after lunch, after band practice - I was there.

 

“Carm!” a harsh whisper sounded from outside my window. It was a cool spring night and I had my window opened a crack to let the fresh air in.

  
I slipped off my bed and walked over to the window, lifting it and resting my elbows on the sill. I leaned out and smiled at the girl who was grinning back at me in the same position no less than 10 feet away.

  
“Now what would you have done if my window was closed?” I raised an eyebrow at her.

  
She giggled, _god that melodious giggle._

  
“Then I would have thrown a pebble at the glass.” she answered.

  
“You don’t have any pebbles.”

  
She smirked, which looked more dorky than anything, and reached down before chucking a tiny rock in my direction.

  
“Whoa, what the hell?” I laughed, dodging the stone, hearing it thump on the wood floor behind me. “Do you just have a jar full of pebbles in your room?”

  
“And what if I did?”

 

I leaned back onto my elbows and stuck my head out a little further.

  
“Then I’d say you’re quite obsessed with me, cupcake.”

  
She scoffed, “Please.”

  
“Well why else would you be so eager to talk to me all the time?” I raised my eyebrow teasingly.

  
“So I can update you about _Danny.”_

  
Ah yes, of course. Danny Lawrence. The red giant, competitive swimmer, track and field superstar that always had Laura swooning.

 

She was a year older, a senior, and literally did _nothing_ to deserve the tiny girl’s attention.

  
But of course, as any good “friend” does, I gave Laura my full support.

  
Even though I’d kill to be in Danny’s shoes.

  
“Oh, _please_ tell me more about this goddess.” I said, not bothering to hide my sarcasm. Laura knew how much I disliked the girl. She just didn’t know the details of why.

  
“She walked me to class today! Well I mean, I sorta accidentally ran into her with my instrument but she still walked with me to class! I guess hers was probably on the way, but she actually talked to me while we were walking! It wasn’t like last week when she was just next to me going in the same direction.”

  
I would be a lot more angry if she didn’t look so _freaking cute_ when she was excited.

  
Laura was pretty ditzy with her instruments.

  
The reason why she and I even started talking like this in the first place was because one afternoon when we were 9 years old, she was playing the violin and after getting into a heated argument about how horrible she sounded, she threatened to throw her bow at me and it actually flung out the window and gave me a black eye.

  
It was _that fire_ that made me go nuts for her.

  
After that, she spent the next week over at my house helping me ice my eye (which wasn't really something I needed help with, but didn’t resist).

  
And that was pretty much the end of her violin playing.

  
Now she’s a dorky little band geek who plays the flute (I still tease her but she’s actually really good).

  
“You’re so not listening to a single thing I’m saying, huh?”

  
My eyes widened and I blinked twice, then smiled because I had been caught.

  
“Sexy Danny, walking to class, something about a track meet.” I summarized her story.

  
“She’s really great you know.” Laura said tenderly. She wanted more than anything for her best friend to accept her biggest crush, but that was something I just wasn’t able to do for her.

  
Because I was in love with her.

 

\---

 

“Carm.”

  
“No.”

  
“Carm, _please.”_

  
“Laura, no.”

  
“Why?” She stepped in front of me in the middle of the road, blocking me from moving, with the most adorable pout on her face.

  
“Sweetheart, you’re going to get us hit by a car.”

  
“Just answer me why you won’t go!” She stomped her foot like a 4 year old and I couldn’t help but smile.

  
“Okay but can we please go sit on that bench over there before someone runs us over.”

  
Laura huffed and grabbed my wrist, quickly pulling me and sitting us both down at the bench. It was 5 o’clock pm on a friday afternoon and the sunlight never made her look more beautiful than that moment.

  
I literally forgot the entire question from being so distracted by her.

  
“Carmilla!” she kicked my shoe, pulling my stare from her face down to my white converse.

  
“Easy there cutie.”

  
“Answer me.”

  
I looked up with a goofy grin (one that only she could pull out) “What was the question?”

  
“Carm!”

  
“Okay fine, fine.” I chuckled in defeat. She was so easily irritable and it was one of my favorite things in the world to do.

  
“I don’t know, I just don’t feel like being surrounded by a bunch of lackwits in unbarable heat watching people run in circles.” I answered honestly. Track and field never really interested me.

Sports in general never really did.

  
“But it’s really important to Danny and I want you to be there!” Laura pleaded.

  
“Cupcake, I don’t do sports. Especially not for Clifford the big red dog.”

  
She put her hand on my thigh, “Carm..”

  
_Nope. I’m not giving in._

  
“Pleaseee...”

  
_No._

  
“I’ll give you _anything_ you want.”

  
_Your virginity? No? Didn’t think so._

  
“And you’ll be the bestest friend everrrr.”

  
Her hand moved from my thigh to snake around my waist as she leaned into my chest, resting her head above my breasts.

  
She squeezed her hug tightly around me.

  
“ _Please_ Carmilla.”

  
I could feel her breath on my neck as she spoke.

  
_.... Fucking hell._

  
I sighed, “Okay fine.” I finally cracked. I was way too whipped for that tiny girl.

  
She jumped off the bench and squealed with excitement.

  
“Thank you thank you thank you!” She jumped up and down in front of me. “I love you so much Carm!” she said throwing her arms around me and hugging me.

  
_Yeah, I love you too._

  
“I’m so happy! This day couldn’t get any better!”

  
“I have your favorite ice cream at my house. We could pig out and watch comedies all night?” I suggested.

  
Laura’s smile fades, “Oh, sorry Carm. I kind of already have plans with-”

  
A car horn honked and Laura spun around, stepping to the side so I could see as well.

  
“Hi Danny!” Laura waved.

  
In front of us was Danny Lawrence in her bright red convertible with her sunglasses on and her fiery red hair flowing. She stepped out of her car and walked towards us.

  
The girl didn’t intimidate me one bit.

  
But intimidation and jealous were two completely different feelings and the latter was definitely boiling quickly inside my body.

“Hey Laura, sup Karnstein.” she greeted us, taking off her sunglasses and resting it on the top of her head.

  
I didn’t like the nickname.

  
“You ready to go?” she asked Laura, who nodded enthusiastically.

  
She turned back to look at me. I pressed my lips together until they folded into my mouth, forming a straight line on my face as I looked up at her expectantly.

  
“Um, I’ll talk to you later.” she said with a small smile before nodding at Danny and following her to the car.

  
She gave me one last apologetic look before they sped off.

  
I sighed and walked back to my house, locking myself in my room for the rest of the night.

  
But who was I to get upset that my friend was going out with her crush?

 

\---

 

I woke up from my nap at 9 o’clock by a tap on the window.

  
I furrowed my eyebrows and sleepily slid off my bed to the window. I opened the curtains and saw Laura staring at me.

  
I sighed, half of me wanted to just close the curtains and go back to sleep, but I could never do that to her.

  
I lifted the window open, but I didn’t lean out like she was.

  
“Can we talk?” she asked.

  
I didn’t respond, but she continued anyway.

  
“Look I know you don’t really like Danny.”

  
_Not really liking her was an understatement. I loathed her._

  
“But I really like her, like a lot. And it’s not just a silly crush Carm. She likes me too! She told me today while we were hanging out. She asked me to prom a-and she kissed me.”

  
My heart dropped to my stomach.

  
“Oh.” was all I could muster out.

  
“And I wish you were happy for me so I could be excited about all of this with you like best friends should be! You know? And I’d always be supportive of whoever you liked and I’d be there every second for you throughout the entire thing, and all I want is for you to do the same for me. Is that so much to ask?!” she was nearly yelling now with tears in her eyes.

  
_But it’s different because I love you, stupid._

 

I paused for a while before mumbling “I’m sorry Laura.”

 

I _was_ sorry for hurting her. But not for being angry about Danny and everything involving her.

  
There was a silence of uncertainty between us. She was waiting for me to do or say something to show her that I’m still the best friend she believes me to be.

  
I ran a hand through my hair before looking up at her and giving her a long look.

  
I sighed.

  
“So how’d the slobbery dog’s lips feel like? Cause I know you’re dying to tell me.”

  
Laura smiled wide.

 

\---

 

“The sun is so bright Laura.” I whined as she pulled me to the track.

  
Our arms were hooked together and she was in super short shorts (obviously for Danny).

  
I tried not to stare but, hey I have needs too.

  
When Danny noticed us Laura literally jumped up and down waving.

  
We sat on the bleachers and watched as they did the 200 meter dash and built their way up to the 400 meter that Danny was running in.

  
Of course she was in the first heat. She stood in the second lane and you could see the girl zone out the crowd.

  
I gave her props for being serious about something that she loves.

  
The shot of the gun echoed and the runners were off.

  
Laura was on her feet watching the girl run.

  
I didn’t really care all that much about the entire event so my head was in the clouds when I noticed a girl a couple seats down wearing a superfan shirt that had the last name ‘Lawrence’ on the back.

  
My eyes tried to zoom in on the girl when she turned to her friend and laughed, exposing her neck and very bright red hickies.

  
_Would it be a far fetched to assume it was Danny’s lips that left those marks?_

  
_Nope._

  
I kept my mouth shut though and looked Laura who was totally oblivious to the girl who was potentially Danny’s side bitch.  
Or her main.

  
Which made Laura her side...

  
Anger boiled within me at the thought. If she was going to take Laura away from me, at least make her happy and treat her with respect.

  
The run was over and Laura was cheering “Go Danny!” loudly.

  
Danny looked at the bleachers and waved at our general direction.

  
I rolled my eyes.

  
_Smooth Lawrence. Make both your toys sit on the same set of bleachers so you didn’t look bad when you waved and blew kisses._

 

Danny had one more field event before Laura and I finally left the wretched place.

  
I was sweating everywhere and really wanted to get home and shower.

  
“Wasn’t she amazing?” Laura beamed as we were walking back to my car.

  
“Mhmm.” I responded, still pondering the thought of Danny and the other girl.

  
Laura stopped walking and I turned around to see why she did when I saw Danny pushing the girl in her superfan shirt against a pole under the bleachers.

  
Laura looked at me with a broken heart.

  
It broke _my_ heart.

  
I grabbed her hand and laced them together, pulling her to my car. I didn’t want her to see that image anymore

 

\---

 

_“Carm?”_

  
_“Yeah cutie?”_

  
_“Do you love me?”_

  
_“... Of course I do.”_

 

\---

 

“You’re really not going to go?”

  
“You’re still actually going?”

 

Laura was in a beautiful white dress with her hair done and makeup flawless.

  
“Well yeah I’m going,” she replied “LaF and Perry are going to be there. And I don’t have to have a date to go to prom. It’s a Junior and Senior prom for a reason.”

  
I was in my pajamas ready to call it a night when she tapped on my glass asking one more time if I was going to go.

  
“Sorry cutie. Dances just aren’t my thing.”

  
“Please?”

  
I shook my head. She gave me a pout and a sad look before she said goodbye and closed her window.

  
I couldn’t tell if she was sad because her best friend wasn’t going to prom with her or if it was for a different reason.

  
Whatever it was, it ate at me for the next hour before I finally decided to just put on a stupid dress and comfort the girl since she was going to be around Danny and the least I could do was be there for her.

  
So, I curled my hair, did my makeup, put on one of the many dresses my mother buys for me, and I made my way to the school.

 

\---

 

I walked through the doors awkwardly and a lot of kids didn’t stop staring since I was wearing bright red and no one ever sees me in any other color, let alone in a dress.

  
I immediately searched the crowd for Laura.

  
When I caught a glimpse of her golden hair, I quickly made my way towards her.

  
Maybe it was the music or the atmosphere, or maybe I was just tired of hiding my feelings for this girl.

  
She was standing next to a column in the gym and was looking out at the crowd dancing.

 

I walked up behind her and snaked my arms around her waist.

  
She didn’t have to turn around to know it was me. I wore my signature perfume and we already knew what each other felt like for far too long.

  
“You came.” she said quiet enough for me to hear.

  
“I did.” I whispered into her ear.

  
“Why?” she asked, her voice shaky.

  
I bit my lip before leaving a light kiss on her neck, then returning to her ear, mustering up as much courage as I could I said, “Because I’m in love with you.”

  
We didn’t move for a minute. Just felt our bodies touching and taking in the moment before she turned around and looked at me.

  
She lifted her arms and wrapped them around my neck before pushing our lips together.

  
My heart fluttered and I wrapped my arms around her waist tighter until there was no space between us.

  
The kiss had all the fire I knew she had in her.

  
And that night, I got to experience a lot more of that flame until at least 3 in the morning.

 

 


	2. I'll Be Your Lighthouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fledgling vampire Laura could no longer resist her love for her useless lesbian vampire Carmilla. After 45 years of anger and pain, Laura finally made her way back to her first true love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laura's a vampire in this oneshot guys.
> 
> Warning: NSFW

She didn’t stop by as often anymore.

At least, not long enough for me to say anything.

But I could smell her from miles away.

I always could. I just never had the right words to say.

I was sitting in a rundown barn somewhere down south of the U.S. when I inhaled her scent. I dropped my pencil and sketchbook and looked up.

The moonlight only illuminated so much of the room, the rest was casted by shadows.

But I could see her silhouette next to a haystack in the corner anyway.

I didn’t know what gave me the courage to speak. Maybe it was because she was finally here while I was alone and not with a mistress or in public.

Maybe it was because I was a little drunk from the Jack Daniels I found in the stables.

Or maybe it was because I haven’t said anything to her in 45 years and I just about fucking had enough.

“What are you doing here?” I spoke into the darkness.

Her breath hitched at the sound of my voice.

It sent shivers down my spine knowing that I still had any effect on the girl.

There was a silence - uncomfortable silence.

My chest ached at the memory of when it used to only always be comforting silence.

“Not going to answer me cupcake?” I smirked, trying to mask my pain that she and I both knew have been there for the past four decades.

But I didn’t think she thought through her plan very well because she took a few steps forward, enough for the moonlight to glow on her light brown hair, then quickly retreated back behind the haystack again.

I chuckled bitterly, then bit my bottom lip to hold back tears that suddenly formed in my eyes.

 _I’ve missed you so much Laura_ , I wanted to say.

But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

“H-How have you been?” her timid voice echoed the room. _God I missed the sound of her voice._

I pondered the question for a bit. How _have_ I been?

_Oh you know, the usual. Drinking away my sorrows for ruining my ex girlfriend’s life for eternity while she never speaks to me again._

“Okay.” I lied.

She knew I was lying.  

“You?” I didn’t want to hear her question my answer.

“Fine.” she said after a pause.

I wanted more than anything in the world to walk across the creaky wooden floor and hug her. Just hold her in my arms and stroke her hair, whispering to her all the things I’d do to make up for the years she and I spent apart.

I’d spend forever trying to fix things between us.

But I could still feel her anger towards me. It’s been lessening throughout the years, but its still very much there.

Which is why I didn’t understand why she was in this very room less than 10 feet away from me.

“So what brings you here sweetheart? Couldn’t be the smell of cow patties, could it?”

I wanted her to say _you, you brought me here._

Of course, she doesn’t say it.

But everything in me knows that that’s the reason why.

“I can see the stars better down here.” she answered.

And that was it. That’s what did it.

It started as one tear... then three... then I was hugging my knees and shaking violently, sobbing.

I didn’t give a shit that she was there. That she saw me break down.

Laura has seen me similar states before.

 _God,_ if there was any other way to save her without turning her I would have.

She _needs_ to know I would have.

But _fucking hell,_ I knew what it was liking being this creature. All the pain, all the fear, all the horrifying thoughts and I still did it.

But it was that or lose her forever...

Why couldn’t she have just stayed with me?

I could have helped her.

_You stupid naïve girl, I could have helped you through it all..._

I felt arms wrap around me and within seconds I was melting into her embrace, gripping the back of her shirt and bawling into her chest.

She squeezed me hard, _it’s been 45 years and this dork still hasn’t gotten used to her strength yet._

But I didn’t mind at all.

I inhaled, smelling her sweet vanilla scent up close. Something I haven’t done in so long.

It made me cry a little more (not sure if it was from sadness or the happiness from holding her again).

She stroked my back for what seemed like hours as I took in the feeling of her body against mine. My sobs turned into sniffles, which turned into audible breaths.

I didn’t need to breathe.

Neither of us did.

But it was a little something that made us both feel a tiny bit human again.

“I’m so sorry Laura.” I whispered against her collarbone.

Her hand stopped moving and her slowly her fingers gripped onto the fabric of my cutoff shirt.

I knew that no amount of apologizes could ever make up for the decades of pain and horror I set upon her.

But I couldn’t _not_ say it.

I truly was so sorry.

“God, Laura, I’m so fucking sorry.” I kissed her collarbone.

She gasped and for a second I was afraid I had crossed the line.

But she did nothing to stop me from planting another kiss on her neck, and another, and another until I was licking and sucking on it while her breaths got shakier.

“C-Carm, Carm wait.”

She gripped my shoulders and pushed me back a bit, looking to my eyes.

_Jesus, she’s so beautiful._

There were so many things right off the bat I noticed that was different about how she looked.

There was more maturity in her. Her eyes were now red and filled with sights no one but her would be able to fully see. Her cheeks didn’t blush, but her skin was glowing.

“I’ve missed you so much Carm.” she choked out.

She’s been hurting too. And stupid me made her build walls up to hide the pain.

But now, after years and years of fighting and anger towards each other, my tiny little Laura was finally letting me in again.

I didn’t know for how long, but frankly, I didn’t really care at the moment.

“I’ve missed you more Laura.” I said before kissing her lips.

Oh god those wonderful lips that fit so perfectly with mine.

Even as a monstrous vampire, she still used her strawberry coconut chapstick.

I ran my tongue along her bottom lip and she allowed me access to brush tongues for a moment.

She whined when I pulled away to adjust our positions. I leaned against the wooden wall, sitting upright and pulled her into my lap. I raked my hands down her back and she arched into me.

I kissed her lips again and again, each one getting more and more sloppy. I trailed kisses down her jaw to her neck, smirking against her skin as she whimpered and grinded against me.

This wasn’t just sex.

Laura knew it wasn’t just sex.

This was love.

My hands swiftly unbuttoned her jeans and my right hand slipped past her panties and into her wetness.

“Hah - _Carm!”_

My left hand reached under her bra and massaged her breasts before rubbing her nipple between my thumb and index finger.

“Laura,” I panted. “Laura I love you so much.”

My fingers slipped into her. “Aah! _God Carmilla!”_

“I love you so fucking much.” I mumbled against her neck.

45 years.

45 years without the love of my life.

45 years that will always be missing between us.

But I _will_ spend our endless immortality together making sure there is never a gap between us again.

“Carm! Fuck - I’m going to come!”

She grinded down hard onto my fingers, gripping the back of my neck with one hand, the other tangling itself into my black hair.

“Let me love you for the rest of forever.” I said before sucking on her neck and curling my fingers inside her.

She shuddered, broken words and gasps spilling from her mouth as she came in tiny spasms against me.

She rested her head on my shoulder as she came down from her high.

I traced circles on her lower back and smiled as I felt her fangs drag against my skin.

“I love you so much too Carm.” she whispered.

And for the first time in 45 years, I felt okay again.

 

 


	3. Don't Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Friends, yeah?” 
> 
> You bite your bottom lip and look to the floor. 
> 
> “Yeah... friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Drinking and abuse

 

You sit on LaF’s bed while they grab a tray of cookies they know you love.

“Why don’t one of you just switch rooms or something? It’s so awkward and tense in there now.” they say, handing you the tray and taking a bite from one.

You sigh, “We said we weren’t going to be petty about things. That we’d be mature and handle it like women.” You don’t think you’re doing a very good job at it though.

“Okay but L, you can’t just avoid going into your room during the day and pretend like that’s handling it maturely.”

You rest your hands in your lap and play with the half eaten cookie you grabbed. “I know..” you say quietly.

They rest a hand on your shoulder and rub softly, “You know you’re always welcomed in here, and I’m sure Perry’s always ready to open her door as well. Just, stop hurting yourself over this okay? You’re worrying everyone.” LaF comforts.

You nod your head. You feel guilty for stressing everyone out. That’s the last thing you want to happen.

After another hour of talking and LaFontaine attempting to get you to eat a little more, you head back to your room. A feeling of dread begins to hang over you. You hate going back there. You don’t know if it’s because you’re angry at her or because you miss her. But whatever it is, it gets completely wiped from your mind when you open the door to see her on her bed cuddled up with Elsie, making hickies on her neck.

You clear your throat obnoxiously, making the Elsie jump. Carmilla probably already heard your footsteps from the second you stepped foot into the building (that fact makes you even more angry). She lifts her head and looks over at you, raising her eyebrows.

“At what point in the last century did people give up on knocking?”

You glare at her, “This is my room too.”

She shrugs, then whispers something into Elsie’s ear. The blonde then nods quickly before getting up, grabbing her purse and leaving the room.

You throw your bag onto your bed and go over to the closet to pick out your pajamas. Carmilla pulls her blanket over her and turns facing the wall. You weren’t going to change in front of her anyway though. Instead, you head to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

 

_“You’re such a child Laura!”_

_“_ I’m _a child? You’re the one who can’t own up to your own feelings! Stop playing the non-affected brooding vampire and_ care _for once!”_

 

You slip under your covers and attempt to push away all your memories with the girl ten feet away from you. But you can’t help wonder if she thinks about you late at night like this.

You know she’s not sleeping. Carmilla has a habit of shifting frequently when she’s awake. Last week, you almost called out to her and wanted to ask for her to come into bed with you.

_Almost._

Whenever you missed her, you would replay all the horrible things you said to each other and remind yourself why you broke up in the first place.

But that doesn’t stop the good memories from popping up at every little thing.

She lets out a loud sigh and gets up from her bed, slinging her backpack over her shoulder, and walks out the door.

You think you’ll finally be able to fall asleep now.

 

\---

 

_“Where were you last night?”_

_Carmilla drops her bag on the floor and makes her way to the bathroom without responding to your question._

_“Answer me goddamn it.”_

_She turns around quickly, “What.” she spits._

_“Where did you go last night.” you repeat._

_“Out.”_

_“Carmilla.”_

_“What do you want from me Laura?”_

_“The truth.”_

_She smirks._

_“I was out getting wasted.”_

 

Carmilla’s never been a drinker. It started when you two stopped sleeping in the same bed. It began as a competition of who could go to bed more angry and who would give in first.

But eventually, when both of you got too tired, you just let the other person sleep. And that’s when Carmilla’s new sleeping partner was a bottle of vodka or ménage à trois midnight, which she has once said was cheap and disgusting, but you’ve noticed empty bottles of it under her bed anyway.

When you wake up the next day, you notice her bed is untouched. She didn’t come home during the night.

You stop yourself.

_Home?_

Is that what this place was to you? Your home? No, you think, home is where your father is probably sound asleep right now.

Home is the bedroom you grew up in and snuck in and out of to meet the cute boy down the street.

Home is.. her brown eyes, and the way they looked at you with such love and care. Home is the way her hands held you in her arms, the way her fingers traced circles around your back as you laid on her chest and listened to the sound of her breath that she inhaled just for you. Home is the way her lips would curve into a smirk when she teased you, or they way they felt against your own, your cheek, your neck...

The door to the room opens, startling you. You close your eyes and pretend you’re still asleep, partly because you’re afraid she’ll think it’s weird that the first thing you do when you wake up is stare at her side of the room, and partly because you don’t think you can bear to look at her right now. It always hurts to miss her and then have to see her.

But of course it doesn’t work, she’s a vampire for crying out loud.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt you.” she mumbles, switching clothes from her bag with clothes in the closet.

You open your eyes and furrow your eyebrows in confusion for a second before realizing how fast your heart is beating.

“Oh, no, you didn’t - it’s not what you’re thinking.” you quickly say.

She snorts. You can almost feel her smirk. She turns slightly to look over her shoulder at you. “Whatever you say Laura.”

_Laura._

She stopped using edible nicknames a while ago. You don’t remember when it stopped, but you remember how bitter your name sounded when she said it for what felt like the first time in forever.

There was a difference between when she said your name while you made love, or when she was expressing (well, Carmilla’s way of expressing) her feelings towards you, and when she said your name as she was leaving to some study buddy’s place for the weekend.

 

_“Don’t forget to lock to door, Laura.”_

 

You tried seeing other people. Hell, you even called up Danny a couple times.

But nothing was the same. Every time they laughed, it just reminded you of when Carmilla would laugh. And every time they would smile, you would see Carmilla’s fangs in all it’s glory.

And when they would kiss you, all you did was imagine Carmilla’s lips pressed against your skin.

It made you sick.

 

_“Maybe we should just see other people then.”_

You didn’t mean it when you said it. But you were hurt and she didn’t understand and you had already been crying for the past hour so you definitely were not in the right mind set.

But regardless, it was what you both knew was coming eventually.

Carmilla did a good job with that part of the break up. She saw a lot of other people.

To the point where you almost questioned if she saw them while she was with you because, who in hell has _that_ many people ready to sleep with her the night of the break up.

But you knew that she would never cheat on you. Carmilla cherished your trust way too much to do that to you, fighting or not.

But that doesn’t stop the pain and disgust you feel pooling in the bottom of your stomach when you think of someone else touching her. Someone else kissing her lips. _Her_ kissing someone else’s lips.

You try to shake your head from these thoughts, she’s not yours anymore. It shouldn’t matter who she spends her time with now.

She’s just your roommate.

That’s it.

 

\---

 

“Guys, I really don’t want to be here.” you say as Perry drags you into the Zeta house.

“Come on Laura, you barely leave your bed and it’s important you attend this. It’s Kirsch’s party for the anniversary of Sarah Jane’s death and I am not letting you skip it.” Perry scolds. You huff and follow her into the house with LaFontaine behind you, making sure you don’t make a run for it when Perry get’s distracted.

She was right though. You would be a horrible friend if you missed this. Danny even helped him plan it and they both came to invite you personally.

It made you angry how much Carmilla could steer your entire life off track.

 

_“So this is it?” she looks at you, seemingly unaffected, but you could see how tight her jaw is clenched._

_You take a deep sigh, a million things running through your head, but one speaking louder than the rest. “Yes Carmilla, this is it. We’re done.”_

 

When you were younger, you always told yourself that you’d never let yourself get into an abusive relationship. The thought of a person physically hurting you and you still staying with them just did not make any sense to you.

But when it was words and actions instead of cuts and bruises, and when it was Carmilla, instead of some scary man you’d never love, that’s when you realized you were fucked.

She didn’t mean it.

God knows Carmilla would never do anything to hurt you.

But she’s a 300 year old vampire, and you’re just a 19 year old girl who doesn’t get it yet.

Her words would be full of spite and anger that she didn’t mean to direct towards you but for heavens sake, the only person who had been with her all 334 years is dead and she’s lost.

You thought you could handle it.

You thought you could fix her.

 

“I would like to make a speech tonight, and thank you all for coming.”

You stand towards the back of the crowd as Kirsch goes on about how grateful he is that we’re all here and about his love for SJ.

You zone out a bit, staring at the liquid swishing around in your red solo cup when you hear your name and suddenly everyone has turned around to look at you.

“Laura, I couldn’t thank you enough for being such a great friend. All you did was look out for me and you’re the coolest little nerd hottie I’ve ever met. Thank you.” he says with his cup in the air.

And all of a sudden, memories of seeing Carmilla for the first time, noticing how she would stare at you, waltzing with her, being protected by her, seeing her sacrifice herself, the agonizing week without her thinking she was dead and then the first kiss you shared with her all come rushing at you uncontrollably and before you could even respond to Kirsch’s speech, your legs are carrying you out the door.

Somewhere along the journey from the house to the sidewalk you had lost your drink and are now fully sprinting down the road.

You feel like you can’t breathe.

Oh god you miss her so much.

Tears are in your eyes and you’re thinking jesus christ this is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made.

You wish that you could just forget her.

You wish that you would have listened to your overprotective dad and not have gone to college all the way in Styria.

You wish that you had never met her.

But you know that’s not true, because meeting Carmilla has been the most wonderful thing you’ve ever experienced. And given the chance, you know you’d do it all over again.

 

Your body hits something, another body you think.

A strong body because at the speed you were going, you would probably have even knocked down Danny.

But immediately, you smell her perfume and you feel her arms wrap around you. You don’t care anymore. Whatever pride you had that kept you from dropping on your knees and begging for her back is completely wiped away and you’re hugging her back, sobbing while she strokes your hair.

“Shh.. it’s okay cupcake. I’m here.”

God her voice hasn’t sounded that soothing in so long, you almost want to keep crying to just hear her comfort you again and again.

But after a few minutes of standing on the sidewalk in the middle of the night in her embrace, you pull away with a tearstained face to look at her. She’s crying too.

“Why are you crying?” you ask between sniffles.

She chuckles a bit, “I just missed you so much.”

Your heart swells and you don’t care if there’s any rule to how long you’re supposed to wait before you get back with your ex, you grab her wet cheeks anyway and you kiss her.

You kiss her like you’re underwater and shes a breath of fresh air.

And she kisses you back like it’s the only thing in the world she’s familiar with.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments my loves. If you have any questions or ideas please feel free to contact me at my tumblr:  
> a-billiontears.tumblr.com


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